“TOO MUCH”

It was one of those warmer December days, before most recesses were moved indoors. I was visiting a classroom when I got the call that I was needed on the playground. It seemed odd to me, because recess had just ended, but I darted out to the playground.

When I got there, I found one of our aides, with one of our students (I’ll call the student “Stephanie”). Stephanie was seated on a bench, with the aide standing about 20 feet behind her. The aide told me that Stephanie had a difficult time at recess, and refused to go inside when recess was over and the whistle blew.

When Stephanie turned to see the aide talking to me, she got up

from the bench and climbed up onto the jungle gym, attempting to hide from me.

I approached and asked her what was going on. She resisted my eyes, and ignored my question. I let her know that she wasn’t in trouble, and I was there to see if I could help her. She eventually warmed up, and started to tell me why she was still on the playground while her classmates were all back inside.

“I want to go home,” she said.

“Home?” I asked. “Why would you want to go home?”

“Cuz.”

“Did something happen at recess?” I asked.

“Yes.”

She was a girl of few words.

“I’m so sorry to hear that. Can you tell me about it?”

With some more cajoling from me, she eventually described a typical elementary school quandary: some girls invited her to play, but she declined because she had planned to play with a boy from her class. He had made other plans, and so she didn’t get to do anything she had hoped to do at recess.

“So I want to go home,” she repeated.

In my effort to console and redirect her, I described that while she couldn’t go home right now, that we were nearing the end of the day and that she would be able to go home soon.

“Recess is now over,” I continued. “It’s really time for us to go back inside and –“

“Inside is worse!” she barked.

I asked her what she meant.

“It’s just too much!” she shouted.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “What’s too much? School’s too much?”

“YES! It’s too much! OT! PT! Math! Speech! Reading! Writing! It’s just too much stuff! I want to go home!”

I was beginning to understand what Stephanie was feeling. The way she listed off all of the things she had to do in a school day, I couldn’t blame her: it sounded exhausting! All the “stuff” as she called it, coupled with the frustration at recess, was really just “too much.” In addition to “school stuff,” Stephanie likely has activities outside school. I started to think about all of the things we were asking this little girl with special needs to do in the course of 6 hours. In our efforts to support her with occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy, counseling, on top of the regular, already rigorous curriculum, I wondered if we were overlooking one of her most special needs: to relax and be a kid.

This really got me thinking.

I started to think about this as a bigger issue. I thought about our teachers and staff, and how we’re constantly calling on them to do more: comply with the requirements of the new Annual Professional Performance Review (APPR), revise curriculum to align with the new Common Core Learning Standards in Math and in ELA, learn about new strategies and best practices in teaching mathematics, develop and administer new assessments – plus be responsible for social-emotional well-being of our students, guide them through tricky social waters, correct papers, review homework, write lesson plans, research new technologies for engaging students, and teach reading, writing, math, social studies, science. I imagined that they could likely identify with Stephanie: it’s just too much!

I thought about our other children, too. Your children. My children. I started to wonder if the same held true for them: if in our efforts to help and support them, were we creating “too much?” Tutors, play dates, soccer, dance, piano lessons, Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts, ice skating, Tae Kwon Do, homework, reading, clean your room, brush your teeth. How does a 5 to 8 year old process all of that? How can they process it, and summon the words to tell us if it is “too much?” Most of our children will have a difficult time articulating the thoughts and feelings they’re experiencing, especially if they are trying to please us.

As parents, we always want to help and support our children, and provide them with everything we had growing up, and more. In our efforts to provide for them, make them happy, and give them a better life than we had, do we run the risk of doing “too much?”

I really began to admire Stephanie, and her ability to articulate what she was feeling, and the courage she demonstrated in telling an adult – in this case, an adult who was partly responsible for piling “too much stuff” on her plate! In education, we often say that each day we learn at least as much from our students as we teach them. A special girl with special needs taught me a special lesson that day, and as you can tell, it’s kept me thinking ever since.

I don’t think that this is only true for children with special needs; I think all children and adults have special needs that we don’t tend to as we should. I think it can become “too much” for all of us at times. In an effort to make things better, we pile on more “stuff” until it become “too much.” A life “filled with stuff” can make us all want to stop everything, sit on a bench on the playground, and not budge for a while, just like Stephanie.

It’s that hectic time of year again, when we add more and more to our lives. I’m still trying to actualize the lesson Stephanie was teaching me that day. Join me in considering the conundrum of “too much:” too much stuff, too many activities, too many tasks, too many things. Think about what you can let go of, so that you can cater to one of those other special needs that you have: reading a book to a child, enjoying a cup of coffee or tea, talking to a friend, or listening to your children at play. It’s okay to put off that load of laundry until tomorrow, delay answering those emails for an hour, skip the Boy Scouts for this one week. You can still have a happy holiday with one less holiday gift, or one fewer side dish for the celebration. Doing something with your children with have greater value than another “thing.” What we want most for ourselves and our kids if to lead a full life – not a life that is just filled up. Take the time to enjoy the present. I’m going to try and work on that myself.

The world won’t come crashing down if you sit on the playground bench for a bit.

Sometimes “more” can be “too much,” and “less” can be “just right.”